Even though technology has greatly affected our methods and speed of written communication, it is still likely that all of us will write at least a few hand-jotted notes or letters in our lifetime. Just like I enjoy the feel, weight, sight, and smell of a printed book, there’s something about a letter written by hand that connects with my soul more than a typed or e-formatted letter ever could. I think it has something to do with the heart of the writer that is reflected in the personally sculpted words and sentences. And it is delightful to reach into my mailbox, sift through the bulk mailings, and find a card or note that declares quietly, “I think highly enough of you to give of my time and send you personal thoughts and wish you well.” It is a connection over the course of days between the thoughts of the sender and my heart communing with one another.

When I moved a few months ago, I tried hard to pack mindfully and toss out some old stuff I didn’t need anymore. Of course, in the final crazy hours, however, I was forced to throw a number of items in boxes…boxes which somehow magically ended up shoved in a closet… (What was that I blogged the other week about putting things off until later?)

I started going through one of those boxes last night and came across some old and very precious letters, including one of the last ones my grandmother was strong enough to write to me with her own hand – heaping with just as much love as anything she’d ever written.

Near the bottom of the stack was a series of lengthy notes from a beloved cousin. I reread them, nearly 20 years after they were first sent, and was touched by the truth I still found there. Not only truth of what a wonderful person she is, but also timeless truth about God and life. In the last of that series, she told me all she’d been learning recently about the importance of praising and thanking God more than asking Him for things in prayer. As I read, I was greatly convicted because I’ve been praying a lot lately, but the number of gratitude and affirmation statements has been so small compared with the number of requests.

I was humbled. And I went to bed and woke up praising and thanking extensively before I could even think of making another request.

Who knows if any of the hundreds of hand-written letters I have already sent will be kept by anyone for years, even after my death? But today I reflect and consider: what we write in our letters not only has power to encourage today, but it may also speak truth and impact people more than we will ever know in the future.

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I am teaching composition this term, and the first major project in my 101 sections was a personal essay. As I grade student submissions this weekend, I am struck by the powerful role a good instructor has in the lives of his/her students. And in this case, I define a good instructor as one who is a trustworthy, caring person. Because such a person creates a place of safety where his/her students feel free to open up, share, and grow at deeper levels.

Reflecting on my own educational experiences, I can immediately think of a few teachers who did NOT make me feel safe with their communication style, classroom environment, methods of discipline, or cold personal demeanor. At the same time, I can easily name a number of other teachers who made me feel safe to learn, create, ask, seek, and simply be myself under their watch. Whether or not I was able to express that sense of trusting and safety in the assignments I completed for them, it remained in my heart and influenced both my academic performance and my personal development – ultimately inspiring me to be an instructor and teacher mentor.

Back to the essays, then. Wow! I’ve only communicated with these students for a few weeks. And some of them are being instructed online so I don’t even know what they look like; we’ve never met in person. Yet, here they are, writing about all kinds of past experiences. They had complete freedom to explore the topics of their choice. But the number of students who chose to write about deeply personal experiences – some of them painful, scary, or even traumatic – surprised me.

And in a way it blessed me. As their instructor, I felt like they were saying, “Here’s a piece of who I am. And I’m trusting you to hold it with respectfully gentle hands and grade my work with great care.”

Perhaps it is my joint background in counseling and education that helps me to notice the beauty of this – and the overwhelming responsibility of it. I do not take it lightly, and I thank God for the opportunity to embrace each essay and treat each student with dignity even while I must, by design, provide a critique of their work.

True: this may happen more readily in courses like English and psychology, where communication and personal exploration are often encouraged (as compared to physics or algebra, for example). Yet I think there is a reminder in my observation for every teacher, no matter what we teach and no matter how old our students are.

Let us stop and take stock today, considering carefully how we view and treat those we instruct. And let us do our best to provide a good, safe space for them to enter into. A place where real development will take root and seeds of hope will sprout into blossoms of confident maturity.

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I’ll do it after…   I’ll do it when…   I’ll do it once…   I’ll do it later…maybe.

Kids say these things. Mom calls, “Feed the pets!” And her son yells back, “OK…after I finish this level of my video game.” Or the daughter sighs, “I will – once I get to the end of this chapter.”

Employees say these things. The boss pops his head in the conference room and orders, “I need a fresh report on the breakdown by the end of the week. Start over, folks, and find the real reason for the problem!” Bob, the bravest to speak up first nearly every time, clears his throat and says, “Sure, sir. Right after we grab some coffee…and review the data again.”

Spouses say these things. “Honey,” whines Vanessa, “isn’t it about time you were nice to my mother and spoke to her civilly?” To which Jimmy fires back, “I will once she decides to respect me and the valuable work I do to support you!”

Singles say these things. Steven asks Monica, a girl he’s very interested in, “When are you going to trust me and be real with me?” She turns away and whispers, “I will after I clean up the messes in my life so I’m good enough for you…or any other man.”

Human beings say these things. The doctor looks up with concern and tells John Doe, “Things don’t look good. You’ve developed X health problem. I’ve been telling you for ten years now that you needed to do more of Y and less of Z.” And John sighs and says, “OK, Doc, after one more binge-fest during my upcoming family vacation.”

It’s easy to put things off and make excuses. It’s easy to ignore people and responsibilities. It’s easy to avoid what would better be faced. It’s easy to hold onto pain, anger, or fear like lifelines in the darkness.

It’s hard to start doing what we know we should…to trust…to change…to admit…to confess…to kneel…to lean.

And yet, it’s in the latter things that goodness is planted, positive change sprouts, and true growth occurs.

 

 

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The new year is upon us. For some, it is a time to drink a whole bottle of champagne. For others, it is a time to start yet another gym membership. For me, it is a time to reflect on the goodness of God.

God has indeed been good this past year, pouring unexpected blessings into my life and sheltering me in some massive storms. Psalm 115:1 says: “Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to Your name be the glory because of Your love and Your faithfulness.” He has used these twelve months to make me both stronger and more dependent…more compassionate.

One way He did it was through circumstances. Multiple walls have quickly come up in my path and I’ve had to grit my teeth and pray, “With my God’s help, I can scale a wall.” In the face or aftermath of each challenge, I had to choose whether I would be angry, bitter, and prideful or I would be quiet, empathetic, and respectful. It was not always easy to choose the latter, but by His grace I had the strength to do so, even if I had to doubt and wrestle a bit before I could.

Another way He did it was through people. Earlier in the year, I decided to sponsor my fourth child through Compassion International. Meet Gloria (pictured above), a sweet teenager from Bolivia. Though I’ve known and supported her for a relatively short time, I am already a better person for it. God uses each interaction with every one of my children to humble me and make me more grateful, more understanding, more patient. (If you’re looking for a new way to give and bless in the new year, I highly recommend child sponsorship!) And Gloria is just one of several wonderful people God has brought into my life since last Christmas – people who have each blessed me in unexpected, raw, and beautiful ways.

So as I reflect today and set some goals for the next year, my biggest prayer is: “God, use whatever lies ahead in 2018 to make me a more compassionate person, a person filled with Your love and faithfulness for Your glory. And I pray the same for you, dear reader. Let us each become stronger through brokenness and kinder through the revealed tenderness of God poured into our hearts every day of our lives.

I’ll close with a quotation I love: “And I said to the One who stood at that gate of the year, ‘Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.’ And He replied, ‘Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.'” – Minnie Haskins (check out some great history behind this quotation on the following page: http://blogs.lse.ac.uk/lsehistory/2013/12/10/the-gate-of-the-year-minnie-louise-haskins-1875-1957/)

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Christmas is right around the corner – and I have been meditating on a number of topics in addition to the usual, beautiful elements of the original story. Within these meditations, my thoughts have honed in on two converse Bible passages and part of an ancient song. And the word that comes to mind time and time again is: desire.

Desire can have a negative connotation. Why? Because it can be twisted and used toward ends that are ultimately selfish, harmful, short-sighted, or cold. And so the Bible teaches:

“…but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” James 1:14-15 (NIV)

Yet, it was not always like that. In the original plan designed by the Architect of the universe, each human was to fulfill his or her God-given desires with God-given things in God-given ways and in a God-given time frame. And it was very good.

Thus, when perfection was crushed by wrong-doing, God knew He had to do something to fix the problem. Not just a patch or a quick solution – but an answer to every one of life’s dilemmas that meet in the core of our broken hearts. His ultimate desire was what we would all come to desire too…though some of us will bravely and humbly choose to see and embrace His solution and others never will. Therefore, a verse from the ancient song translated into English says:

“O come, desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease
And be Thyself our King of peace”

The baby sleeping in the manger one night long ago was the answer to the riddle in the heart of every human in every nation from the dawn of time until this moment. And only by desiring Him will each human ever know true fulfillment, goodness, and the ability to seek peace and pursue it.

So I asked myself in my musings, “If I had a two-way mirror that could reflect out to either end of a spectrum to show the extremes of fallen desires and redeemed desires in their most basic forms in each aspect of the human experience, what would I see?” This is what I came up with:

Lust and Brokenness……………….Physical……………………………Beauty and Sweetness

   Jealousy or Envy…………………..Emotional………………..Enjoyment and Contentment

     Obsession and Anxiety………….Mental……………………………Peace and Gratitude

    Empty-hearted Idols……………Spiritual…………………God’s Goodness and Glory

That’s what it all boils down to: you and I were created to do the will of God for His glory. Only a path in that direction can redeem, feed, and fulfill our desires in a supremely good way. And through His gift to us this Christmas – and every moment of our lives – we can begin to receive and achieve it day by blessed day. As King David, an ancestor of Jesus, prayed long before the holy birth:

“I desire to do your will, my God; your law is within my heart.” Psalm 40:8 (NIV)

Amen. May we rejoice in the desires He gives us as we learn to use them for the good of all.

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In class this past week, a student mentioned one of her former English teachers. That instructor, it seems, had a propensity to leave paper drafts dripping in red ink and had a few favorite editorial marks including the marginal note of “awk” (which means awkward). My student was put off by this as she reflected. Why didn’t the instructor just correct her grammar and be done with it, the student wondered. I pointed out that an awkward sentence is often still grammatically correct; however, it may not flow well because of strange phrasing order, choice of words, use of tone or voice, or placement within the rest of a paragraph. And sometimes we don’t know why a sentence is awkward when we read it…but we know it is.

I was reminded that a good instructor will meet his/her students at their awkward communication points and do more than just point out the awkwardness. A really good instructor will help students explore the reasons behind the awkwardness and help them become more graceful communicators.

In personal writing revision this past week, I was looking over some old feedback on my novel manuscript. There were points where beta readers and editor friends could give me specific feedback (this statement is trite and unbelievable, you misspelled the name of that place, etc.). But there were other points where all they could say was, “That just doesn’t sound right to me,” or “Your tone in this dialog is choppy and canned,” or “I don’t know what needs to happen here – but change something!” I accepted and reviewed every bit of feedback, but those general and vague comments simply pointing to the awkwardness of something, something they could not put their finger on, that got me. I had to review each spot critically and wrestle with what – if any – changes I would make.

I was reminded that a good writer doesn’t give up when the reader tells him/her some part of the writing is hampered, even though they can’t say exactly why. A really good writer will evaluate it calmly and not take it personally, looking for a way to make the end product better and more edifying to the prospective audience – because he/she believes that the edification of the reader is paramount.

In personal communication this past week, I felt moved in my heart to say and write some words that were not easy. And the results of following my conscience were painful on all sides. I still feel I did the right thing. But sometimes honesty reveals brokenness, fear, dissatisfaction, pride, frustration, or tension. And all of these things can open a chasm of awkwardness between two or more people who are trying to communicate. This led me to think of all the times in my past when physical, emotional, and even spiritual awkwardness caused rifts in my relationships that were never completely mended. And it made me weep.

Yet, I was reminded that a good God doesn’t give up on us when we make mistakes, when we do what we know we should do but find the response leaves us out in the cold, and when our whole lives feel like one big, knotted, clumsy mess of the regretful, the unloveable, the awkward. A really good God, in fact, steps down into the mess and meets us in our awkwardness, redeeming it all in some miraculous way to still use us for His glory.

He is never awkward. And so, it is His face alone that we must seek to heal and grow in gracefulness.

 

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Back again for one more round of lines from songs that have been beautifully or powerfully written and have produced joy, comfort, or other positive results. The following list contains such lines from songs specifically connected to the Christmas season – some of them old/ancient and some of them recent/modern.

On this first Sunday of the 2017 Advent Season, I love pausing to reflect on these lines again. I hope as you read them, your heart will also receive benefits and blessings.

 

Son of God and Son of Man // There before the world began // Born to suffer, born to shame // Born to raise us from the grave // Christ the everlasting Lord // He shall reign forevermore – Noel by Lauren Diagle and Chris Tomlin

O that birth forever blessed // When the virgin full of grace // By the Holy Ghost conceiving // Bore the Savior of our race // And the Babe, the world’s Redeemer // First revealed His sacred face // Evermore and evermore – Of the Father’s Love Begotten (Latin Hymn written in the 4th century)

Fragile finger sent to heal us // Tender brow prepared for scorn // Tiny heart whose blood will save us // Unto us is born // So wrap our injured flesh around you // Breathe our air and walk our sod // Rob our sin and make us holy // Perfect Son of God – Welcome to Our World by Chris Rice

The hopes and fears of all the years // Are met in thee tonight – O Little Town of Bethlehem

You’ve heard it told, you think it’s odd // The whole thing fraught with complications // The play begins with a baby God // And all His blessed implications – It’s True by Sara Groves

Born Thy people to deliver, born a child and yet a King // Born to reign in us forever, now Thy gracious kingdom bring // By Thy own eternal spirit, rule in all our hearts alone // By Thine all-sufficient merit, raise us to Thy glorious throne – Come Thou Long Expected Jesus

 

In the comments section below, feel free to share one of your own favorite Christmas song lyric lines or share about how one of the above lines has been meaningful to you. Thanks and Happy Advent!

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The other day, I was thinking about the power of words in the songs we listen to: how they can lift a mood or lift the spirit, how they can encourage someone to do good – or degrade the heart with a destructive tone.

That led me to think about some lines in songs that have been particularly powerful to me over the years right up until today. I wanted to share some of them here, hoping that they might encourage you too – and thanking all of the songwriters who have used their gifts to change the world for good.

Weak is the effort of my heart and cold my warmest thought // But when I see Thee as Thou art, I’ll praise Thee as I ought. – John Newton (“How Sweet the Name of Jesus Sounds”)

In the silence, in the waiting // Still we can know You are good // All Your plans are for Your glory // Yes we can know You are good. – Jason Ingram and Kristian Stanfill (“The Lord Our God”)

You’ve been loving me since time began // You’re behind my every second chance. – Nichole Nordeman (“Love You More”)

So with every breath I take in  // I’ll tell you I’m grateful again // And the storm may swell even then it is well // And You are good. – Clint Lagerberg (“You are Good”)

I came to Jesus as I was // Weary and worn and sad // I found in Him a resting place // And He has made me glad. – Horatius Bonar (“I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say”)

Even what the enemy means for evil // You turn it for our good // You turn it for our good and for Your glory // Even in the valley, You are faithful // You’re working for our good // You’re working for our good and for Your glory. – Bryan Brown, Aaron Keyes, and Jack Mooring (“Sovereign Over Us”)

I’ll be back next weekend with some more inspirational lyrics tied specifically to Christmas.

But I encourage anyone reading this post now to add a comment and share a favorite line from a song that has encouraged you or lifted your heart. Even if you don’t know the name of the songwriter, please include the name of the song. Thanks. 🙂

 

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The doctor looked at me with concern in her eyes.

My heart skipped. “What’s wrong? Is the infection not clearing up? Is it not healing?”

“Well, there’s still signs of an infection,” she admitted. “But what I’m really worried about is that you won’t heal quickly.” She cringed.

“Which means…” I coaxed.

“Which means you could have a scar.”

I exhaled and smiled a little. “I don’t care if I have a scar. I just want it to heal!”

It is healing. And I will indeed have a scar. The doc confirmed it during my recent follow-up visit.

Another of my few visible physical scars. And one more among dozens that the experiences of life have left on my mind, heart, and soul.

I’ve recently finished polishing the manuscript for my first novel – a piece with the working title of The Voice of Melody. The story incorporates several themes; a major one is the question of suffering and dealing with life circumstances that could either render us crippled, powerless – or refine us for some greater purpose and later empower us with a greater strength. At one point, a father counsels his daughter on that topic, and the wisdom he passes on to her sustains her through several subsequent trials.

In essence, he says that scars are left behind for us to remember what we’ve gone though so we can live as grateful people: grateful for death or greater pain we have been spared, and grateful for any mercy we have been shown.

If we never went through the difficult things, we wouldn’t know the meaning of gratitude because we wouldn’t recognize our need to be grateful. To paraphrase my colleague, Tony, it is those scars (hard times) that can make us thankful for all the goodness in life.

I will have a scar on my head. And every time I feel it, I can remember how God helped the doctor to catch the cyst before it became too threatening, how He helped her to remove all the tissue to spare me from greater trouble.

And I can be thankful that I am alive today, alive to give and to bless.

In a week when many Americans will pause to count their blessings, let us count all of them. The obvious. The commonplace. The miraculous. And the scar-laced.

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What is it about my air-brushed, age-defying home culture that so dislikes reminders of the dirty, disgusting, and painful?

A student recently asked why most American bathrooms don’t have a floor drain (outside of the shower/bathtub) – a feature that is prevalent in many countries where indoor plumbing is widely used. I thought about it for awhile and finally concluded that one of the main reasons is because a floor drain can be both an eyesore and a source of smelliness. Both of these remind us of the dirt and germs so many of us are crazy about avoiding.

And apart from my vegan and vegetarian friends, what right-minded American doesn’t love a good hunk of meat? Yet, if we once again compare the American diet (and local supermarket) with that of most other cultures around the world, we find something interesting. We don’t like our “animals” to look like animals. Apart from the bones in hot wings, KFC meals, and barbecued ribs, there’s not a thing left behind in most of our meat choices to remind us that it was an animal. And even those exceptions are usually covered in so much breading or sauce we won’t think about how it was part of a living being a short time before. No yummy fish heads in our soup, no chickens’ feet to nibble along with the rest of our dinner. Some would say it’s simply a matter of convenience. It’s so much easier, after all, to cook and eat a boneless breast than to deal with a whole chicken. But I would argue that we also don’t want to think about the disgusting nature of the butchering process and what that animal went through so that we might be nourished.

A new ad popped up while I was watching TV last night. It urged every viewer to ask “What pain?” – to keep playing and pushing and moving no matter what. Have pain? No worries! Take this pill and your pain will roll back so you can perform as hard as ever! Like eating around the bones, pain slows me down and makes life feel messy. And why in the world would I want that?

I’ll tell you two reasons why.

Pain tells us where we are in the healing process. I’m continuing to heal from a procedure performed under my scalp. At various stages of my recovery, I’ve experienced different levels and types of pain. I took a bit of Tylenol in the beginning to help with the worst of it, but since then I’ve done nothing to mask the pain. It is my body’s way of telling me what’s going on – especially when I can’t see the wound. Likewise, when someone or something hurts my heart, how sensitive my heart remains towards that person or topic serves as a litmus test for how well my heart wound is healing.

Pain reminds us that we cannot go it alone – and we were not designed to. Some people do their best to deaden or ignore their pain (physical and/or emotional) so they can appear strong before others – or be strong for others. But the bittersweet beauty of pain is that it can and should drive each person into the strength that only God and community can provide. It gives us the perfect excuse for living humble lives – and opportunities for us to seek reasons to be thankful either after or in the midst of the discomfort.

I invite your comments on the place of physical/emotional pain in our lives and will address this topic further in next week’s post. 

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