I took the plunge. After years of avoiding it, I finally opened a Facebook account. Downside: it is causing my attention span to go downhill faster! Upside: I’m reconnecting with people that I haven’t been in touch with for years.

One of those people popped up on my suggested friends list. And I instantly recognized the name but was so surprised by several things. Surprised that she, a Chinese, had married a man from Scandinavia, where she now lives. Surprised at what a beautiful woman she has blossomed into after being a somewhat awkward tomboy type in my classes. Surprised at how quickly she reached out to me and how excited she was to see me again when she had been somewhat punkish and hard to read while she was my responsibility 13 years ago.

Seeing her face again, I was transported back to that shadowy classroom where I helped her and her classmates build their vocabulary, correct their grammar, and improve their pronunciation. And I clearly recall that she was one of the most challenging students in that class because she was so smart but could still be hard to communicate with. She was not as easy to relate to as many of the other students, and yet she directly showed how much she needed attention and love.

So I did my best to love her. And I know I’m not the only one who had a small (or large) hand in her development along the way. But seeing the way she’s turned out, I simply smile.

Teachers have some kind of heart vision that allows us to look at a student who is struggling or hurting or overly ambitious and see potential for something better now and something great in the future.

I realize now, in hindsight, I dreamed those things for her. But with most of my dreams, there is a little nagging sense of doubt that lurks in the background. Yet, seeing her as she is today, I gain a renewed sense of wanting to dream for and love my current and future students.

The love we give as educators today will likely reap a harvest of goodness whether or not we ever see it with our human eyes.

And so, we dream. And we love.

Read more

Bead art by Kaylene

You may already know some of the history behind Valentine’s Day, an occasion that many will celebrate this week. But to recap, at its base, this day honors the life and death of a man who believed so strongly in the importance of love and marriage that he set the truth of his convictions above the laws of the land – and it ended up costing him his life. Not only his life, but also the chance to stay with the love of his life just a short time after he had finally found her. In fact, the only part of our modern celebration that closely reflects his story is the idea of writing a note to the one you love, something he did before he was executed.

Another early saint named Paul wrote a letter of his own to people he cared deeply about a couple of centuries before Valentine lived. In his letter, Paul wrote, “If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.” This was a truth Valentine believed in, and though he wasn’t burned to death (he was executed by archers), he both surrendered his body AND had love. Therefore, though he sacrificed his earthly relationship in the process, he gained everything.

We often think of February 14 as a day for overpriced flowers, steak dinners, imported truffles, and jewelry; these are the modern symbols of love. But love is so much more than that.

Like Thanksgiving, Christmas, Martin Luther King Day, Easter, and Mother’s Day, we are momentarily recalling values and concepts that are much bigger than what can be contained in any single day. Gratitude, peace, love, service, victory, and devotion are all things that would be better exhibited 365 days of the year. And yet, sadly, this February 15, somewhere two friends will have a huge fight, somewhere else a couple will divorce, and at a third location a parent will abuse her child right next door to the small business where a coworker will slander his boss.

Why is this? Could it be that we’ve all developed love-specific dementia? In his same letter, St. Paul went on to describe how we can identify love by these traits: patience, kindness, contentment, quietness, humility, respect, selflessness, slow-fused reactions, forgiveness, purity, truth, protection, trust, hope, faithfulness.

Wow. That’s the kind of love the soul is starved for.

Most people, if they’re observing closely, even if they can’t express it in words, know when they see or feel examples of this deeper love. But living these traits out ourselves with any kind of consistency? That’s another story.

In our modern society, I think this is because nurturing these traits inside of our own self and in relationship with other people takes an incredible amount of time, energy, focus, and solid listening skills.

But I would argue that love-laced traits (far more than the blue whale, the snow leopard, and the giant panda) are the real endangered species of our era. Because without them, hearts, relationships, and communities will whither and die.

So this Valentine’s Day – and in all the days following – would you consider setting remotes and devices aside more often and choosing to extend respect-filled patience or hope-filled trust to another in place of fancy gifts, pricey meals, self-seeking gestures, and empty words?

The best choices are rarely the easiest choices. But, in the end, they lead to everything that matters.

Read more

It was dark and cold. Very cold. And I didn’t want to get out of bed. So when the alarm screeched, I hit snooze, burrowed under the blankets, and prayed, “God, I cannot face this day. I dread it. Help!”

When the alarm screeched again, I stood up to take on life’s challenges… After a shower and a Bible passage for the day. And this was the passage that greeted me:

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:12-14, NIV)

With the steeping of my soul in those verses, my outlook changed. I still didn’t know exactly all I would face in that day and how I would have the strength to face it. But because I remembered how I am loved, I could choose to clothe myself with these virtues and watch with anticipation the mysterious ways in which love that’s planted becomes love that blooms.

Before I headed to the office, I had a few errands to run. At a local business, the clerk helping me made some understandable but annoying mistakes (quite honestly, far more annoying for her than for me!). In the midst of that extra long interaction and her frustration, we found a couple of things to laugh about. And with that much-needed release, she was able to confide about basic details of life struggles that were weighing her down.

During that whole interaction, and especially as she shared what was burdening her heart, a progression noticeably spilled forth in me. I had a sense deep in my own heart to be still and listen carefully. I heard both what she was saying and what she wasn’t saying. I knew I needed to pray for her. I knew I needed to TELL her I was going to pray for her. I told her I was going to pray for her without any nervousness or discomfort — an offer that moved her. I knew why I was alive in that moment, for that day. And I left the establishment with a big smile on my face and a sweet song in my heart.

Upon reflecting now, several days later, I see how I faced the otherwise overwhelming things waiting for me at the office with a much deeper calm and sense of strength and patience as the day progressed.

Every single human is weak and in need. Me included.

But I know that where I turn in my weakness and Who I look to to fill my most fundamental needs makes the greatest difference. It makes a difference in how I can choose to don the overcoat of love. And it makes a difference in what virtuous layers I can choose to wear underneath.

Bring on the cold. I’m ready to spread the warmth.

Read more

Watercolor Art by Kaylene

While meditating this past month on the theme of being loved before we can love, I have often come back to the visual of a person walking through a desert. My thoughts were connected to how so many of us cannot accept how much love we need until we realize how broken we are. Or cannot accept how loved we really are because our souls are so parched, poisoned, or weary.

This led me to think of flowers opening up to the sun and drinking in its life-giving rays. Even in the drier regions of the world, things still bloom in their season. And their beauty opening in those arid places that seem void of life is all the more stunning to the observing eye.

These musings led me to write this short poem: Drink the Rays.

You start so well,

a promising spark,

a flare set to burn, bright.

But lies and snares creep in like snakes,

scales for your tearless eyes.

Your posture slumps

and tugs your view down.

Flare hits a frown,

wounded one;

stay there.

When the way is dark,

the path grows dim,

and all the questions come.

That’s the time for light to shine

from somewhere high above.

Lift up your head

and raise your gaze.

Drink deep the rays,

dear child;

be loved.

Read more

Harbin, 2005

Teaching is a challenging job.

It wasn’t easy in the East when driven students expected me to be the expert who knew everything off the top of my head – and to explain everything to them in terms they could memorize. And it isn’t easy in the West when skeptical students take delight in asking complicated questions just to be obnoxious – or sleep, talk, and play on their phones through class, never realizing what an incredible opportunity they are wasting.

Educators I have known and worked with have faced numerous other difficulties in different environments with students of various ages. From endless workloads to extremely deficient resources to administrators who were not supportive, those men and women demonstrated determination, intelligence, and compassion in the face of difficulty – often all at the same time.

And then there’s the pay…. Suffice it to say, those who hold most teaching jobs aren’t in it for the money. They have to have a particular passion deep inside if they are going to stick with it and teach well.

I recognize that many of my educational colleagues do not share my spiritual beliefs, but I know that I have a choice. I can either choose to try and climb those mountains, conjure those answers, and face those giants on my own. Or I can ask the One I follow, the greatest teacher of all, to empower me.

In the past, I’ve gone down the former path. And some days I’m still tempted to walk that way again. But it has only led to frustration, failure, or burnout. Yet, I know I’m on the better path when I choose the latter and consciously ground my identity as an educator in who He says I am.

(Though I appreciate the love students show me, I can’t depend on that either; students are only with me for a little while, and it’s interesting how their “love” for an instructor is often tied to their course grade.)

When I remember how much He loves me, it gives me an energy and a confidence to teach well. An energy and confidence I could never possess on my own.

Teaching is a challenging job. But I can do it.

Because I’m loved.

Read more

Word Art by Kaylene

I wonder how we know we’re loved.

Is it an unearthly awareness we’re born with? Is that why a child can be picked up by a parent and stop crying in their arms without anything being said?

But what about when we get older? Is it possible, as adults, to innately know we are loved? Or do the scars and disappointments of life mar that sense so that we can never really know again, without some lingering sense of doubt?

What happens in between those infant years and the days of adult enlightenment that leads us to question? In observing many life stories, it’s usually something that breaks the fragile bonds of relationship and trusting, something that requires forgiveness. Often with other people, but always, fundamentally, with God.

What a sweet promise to ponder today. When we cry out to Him, God forgives. And when He forgives, no matter how small or large our offenses were, we are able to lift our eyes and catch a glimpse of His goodness and of His love.

Not just any love. But abounding love. Love without limits. Love that can’t be contained. Love that will certainly spill over to drench the disappointments and smooth the scars.

When we invite it to.

Speak to God honestly. And be loved lavishly.

Read more

Word Art by Kaylene

From the moment we are born until the day we die, what do we need more than anything, in addition to air and water? Love. To be loved and to be able to give love. This is the emotional equivalent of physically inhaling and exhaling.

And I think it’s fitting to think of it in those terms. For, as the story goes, the first person was formed from dust. And only when God breathed into him did the man exist as more than just a product of the earth. With that breath in his lungs, Adam woke up to the knowledge that he was made for a purpose – and that he was loved. And a short time later, he came to be loved not only by the One who had breathed into him but also by the one who was taken from his side.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes it’s easy for me to get frustrated, impatient, or angry with self/others. And at the root of it all, I think there is a degrading belief that I came from dust so I’m not worth any more than dust, and the people around me came from dust so they’re not worth much more than dust either. This realization sobers me.

While it’s true and humbling to recall we have come from dust, we are filled with so much more than that. And though we have messed up or let others down, when we are refilled with the love we need, there is a potential in us to BE so much more than that.

Scripture speaks to this too. God is a Potter and we are wet clay in His hands. He’s not giving up on His work until all of our edges are smooth and all of our imbalanced spots are evened out. Just like dust gains limitless value when it houses heavenly breath, wet clay gathers infinite worth under the touch of the most masterful Artist.

Take a moment today to deeply breathe in and out, to feel the worth you carry deep inside…

YOU ARE LOVED. 💛

Read more

Out with the old and in with the new. So another year is upon us.

As a writer, I want to be more intentional about how I use my time and how I focus my writing energy in 2019. That goes for my other writing work as well as my weekly blogging.

Over the past year-and-a-half of blogging, I’ve often written according to what was happening at that specific time, with sort of random organization. Reflecting on that this weekend, I decided to have a formal plan for where I want to go with my blog during the next 12 months.

The blog has four main categories. I plan to make better use of these different areas over the coming year, so this is my plan.

I will spend this year pondering what we are to be and then what we are to do from that place of being. Each month I will focus on a different topic, and within that month, each week I will write about that topic from a different angle: teaching, psychology, encouragement, and writing.

Months and planned topics:

January, be loved

February, love

March, be known

April, know

May, be seen

June, see

July, be heard

August, hear

September, be illuminated

October, shine

November, be blessed

December, bless

Please join me on this journey in the months ahead. Read when you would like to read, and share any posts that you find helpful with those you care about.

I wish you all the best, dear readers, in the year ahead!

Read more

Image borrowed from: www.spiritofthescripture.com

Dear Readers,

As is my habit (usually), I’ve written a poem tied especially to the annual Christmas observance. This year, while meditating extensively on the intertwined roles of God’s divine sovereignty and supreme will and our degree of personal choice and free will, I found myself thinking more of the wise men who traveled far to see the Christ child, arriving after His birth.

My thoughts led me to write these words from a Wiseman’s point of view. In the spirit of the holiday celebration, I hope these words might give your spirit something meaningful to ponder: a moment of deeper quiet and greater closeness to the One its all about.

Merry Christmas – and may sweet peace be yours in the New Year.

Wisdom Speaks

I.

Long and often had we argued,

our learned minds

seeking to find

the master of destiny: a man’s choices

or his fate?

Sure and lofty was my view,

my proud heart

standing apart –

the master of destiny: my grand choices

shaping my fate.

Slowly and gently were we changed,

my brothers and I

seeing a child –

the Master of Destiny: my choices intertwined

with my fate.

II.

The choice to deny self and reach out is hard.

In light was I led to walk that path,

in pain was I born to bear that gift,

in love was I formed to find that star:

Marvelous,

brightest,

led to the wisest.

It’s a choice to listen to what we’ve heard.

By heaven was I made to worship that King,

by angels was I told to guard that Babe,

by history was I left to leave this word:

Seek Him,

find Him,

place none beside Him.

Read more

Word art by the author

Though I didn’t realize it until I was experiencing it, the embrace of a baby was what I needed most.

Last Sunday, I headed off to church, feeling like I often do on a Sunday morning: thankful for a chance to worship corporately…but also like I needed something I couldn’t specifically name.

Perhaps it was more rest, when the tiredness of the whole week often rises up to meet me on the weekends. Perhaps it was a personal reminder that I can somehow be known and loved simply as I am, a need that sometimes gets lost when I feel lost while attending an ever-growing congregation.

I attended a session with my small group, which was fine. They are dear to my heart, and we’re all growing together. Then we sang some songs and listened to a creatively-formatted sermon. That was also fine.

But the need, the longing was still there.

Stepping out into the foyer afterward, I noticed the family walking toward me and recognized baby Olivia and her mom and brother. (She is one of the little ones I sometimes care for during monthly volunteering in the nursery. But, while she is a good girl, she’s never been much of a cuddler or talker.)

Olivia turned in her mom’s loose embrace and made eye contact with me. Then, she immediately spread her arms and reached out to me. I was so surprised that I gasped. When her mom paused and said it was fine for me to take her, she came to me eagerly.

And she didn’t just passively wait to let me give her a flash of a hug. She draped herself against me, laid her head on my shoulder, and soaked up my embrace for at least a full minute. I leaned into her and turned my face to kiss her silky brown hair. And I murmured, “Oh, baby, thank you. I cannot tell you how much your love blesses me today.”

And in that moment, the need I didn’t know how to name, the need I didn’t know ran so deep, was met in a way.

And I was struck by how the love a baby gives is so guileless and heart-melting, there is nothing else quite like it on the face of the earth. Even if it comes from a child that is not our own, when a baby gives acceptance and trust from his or her heart, that little one gives a pure gift: love with no ulterior motives.

Some people say that God came as a baby so He could fly under the local king’s radar. Others say He came that way so we could find Him more relatable somehow.

Those things may be true. But I think Olivia’s gift taught me something more fundamental and precious. He came as a baby to show us, in human terms, the very essence of love, starting with the sweet, innocent trusting of infancy and continuing on until His life was laid down for us.

The purest love and the greatest love. Both in His embrace. Just what we each need the most.

Read more